Abundant Spoilers Within. I skipped out on putting a Top Chef recap on the blog last week for various reasons. Well, okay, one reason. I find the cheftestants representing Season 7 of television’s most innovative culinary reality program detestable. On the last installment Tamesha went home after falling for the advice given by chef Angelo. His response was a shrug (“Gee, I really liked whatshername, but whadaya gonna do?”). This season’s chefs have a number of personal and kitchen habits that leave the viewer wondering how they’ve retained employment for this long. Kelly, the chef I really believe stands to win it all, has a penchant for crying. So, in fact does Andrea. I cry sometimes, too.  When I found Ford had stopped making the Crown Victoria I shed a tear. There is also the habit of saying “I haven’t shown the judges my food yet.” This is a line that is repeated every season and was again uttered by tonight’s ‘had to pack it’ chef. Really? Really Really? You had something like 16 challenges to show them your food. An annoying thing to say as you pack your knives, but nowhere near as reprehensible as stealing someone’s prep items. Theft is a habit that will come back to bite. So now, despite the draggy, obnoxious participants, Top Chef has got me watching thanks to theft drama. Here we go with the spoilertastic details on episode 8 from Washington D.C.

This week’s Quickfire Challenge was to make an appetizer that could be served on a toothpick.  Congressman Aaron Schock (R-Illinois) explained to the cast that because of undue influence by lobbyists, House and Senate members are only allowed to be offered as much free meal as one can fit on a toothpick. See? You can actually learn things from cooking shows. Now if only he’d explain how they have to suck free drinks out of a napkin. The cheftestants did their best to cram items onto tiny skewers and plastic swords. Angelo won the challenge with an old school appetizer that you can find in books from the 80′s and before. He hollowed thick cucumber slices into cups and filled them with spicy shrimp and chopped cashew. Things that work will always work. Congressman Schock was not fond of Ed’s tuna two ways on an umbrella or Kelly’s seared scallop and pickled watermelon rind. I appreciated the honorable Mr. Schock’s perma-grin and his resistance against the urge to shout at the chefs “Man! I hate this trash!”

For the Elimination Challenge the chefs drew knives for the right to cook salmon, swordfish, Porterhouse steaks, lamb or lobster at the Palm. Two chefs would cook each of the five choices. The setting was a power lunch at The Palm restaurant, a place with much history and no record of letting TV cooks into it’s kitchen. The judges were Senator Mark Warner (D-Virginia) a slate of NBC and MSNBC correspondents and hosts (Morning Joe’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinki, Daily Rundown’s Savannah Guthrie, Luke Russert and Kelly O’Donnell), chef Art Smith and John Depodesta. Now, for a man who is passionate about at least three things in life (liberal news shows, Top Chef and pictures of Audrina Patridge eating hamburgers) this should have been a dream episode. No. The whole show was dominated by Ed running back and forth looking for his English pea puree, which ended up under Alex’s salmon dish. Pilfering happens in kitchens, but out-and-out stealing someone’s prep and taking credit for it is just dirty. The fact that Alex won compounded the problem. He’s a professional and shouldn’t have let it get this far. Meanwhile, Andrea went home for doing a vanilla beurre blanc over swordfish and then letting it cook in the window. Butter sauces break down into gummy components when left out. She didn’t even get proper hug and tear time after being sent home, because judge Padma sent her away with a “That will be all.”

What’s next for Top Chef? Amanda’s general sloppiness and lack of experience may finally catch up soon. Hopefully Alex’s intellectual dishonesty is seen through by the judges as much as it is by the other chefs and the audience. Oh, and Kelly will cry some more. Good Times (sniff).